I was attending Sunday service with my very fashionable father during
the holidays. Before the sermon began, we engaged in spirited
conversation on who had on the best shoes. I did, of course. Then my
dad saw a young lady possibly in her late teens wearing a mini skirt
just barely covering her goods, black thigh-high leggings and a pair of
platform stiletto boots. She had on a bomber jacket since it was
dreadfully cold outside, and she was sitting in one of the front pews
with an adult (possibly her parent). My dad whispered to me in his
joking fashion, “When did they change the dress code? I missed that
memo.” We both laughed.
But what to wear to church isn’t so funny, really. I frequently get
emails from readers wanting to know what’s appropriate to wear to the
office, to a wedding and – to church. I ran across an interesting
article in Christianity Today about
appropriate clothing for church. What we wear to church matters, the
article states, ”We deceive ourselves when we breezily claim that God
doesn’t care about what we wear to church. God cares about our hearts,
and what we wear is often an expression of our hearts. So what does our
relaxed worship attire say about us?”
I’m not sure if God really cares about our underwear, however, I do
know what we wear matters in how people treat us and how we are
perceived. And there’s that respect factor – for yourself and for
others. Yes, it depends on the type of place you worship. Some are more
casual than others, but modesty is key.
Here are 5 things you should never to wear to a place of worship WHEREVER you attend:
1. Ultra high mini skirts. Who wants to see your underwear during the sermon, really?
2. Plunging cleavage. Save it for your earthly date, not your meeting with God.
3. Heavy fragrance. For the young and the more
mature churchgoers, too much fragrance makes it hard to breathe when
you’re snuggled close in the pews.
4. Anything you wear to bed or to a club. Sagging pants, pajamas, flip flops, unwalkable platform stilettos, and butt cleavage is distracting anywhere.
5. Noisy jewelry, shoes, buckles.
Just like in the workplace, anything that distracts people from the task at hand is typically inappropriate.
Don't be impatient when choosing a helpmate. God has the right one for you.
My wife and I raised four daughters—without shotguns in the
house!—and three of them have already married. We love our sons-in-law,
and it’s obvious God handpicked each of them to match our daughters’
temperaments and personality.
I have always believed God is in the matchmaking business. If He can do it for my daughters, He can do it for you.
Today
I have several single female friends who would very much like to find
the right guy. Some tell me the pickings are slim at their church, so
they have ventured into the world of online dating. Others have thrown
up their hands in despair, wondering if there are any decent Christian
guys left anywhere. They’ve begun to wonder if they should lower their
standards in order to find a mate.
My advice stands: Don't settle for less than God's best.
Too many Christian women today have ended up with an Ishmael because
impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. Please take my fatherly
advice: You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!
Speaking of “wrong guys,” here are the top 10 men you should avoid when looking for a husband:
1. The unbeliever.
Please write 2 Corinthians 6:14 on a Post-it note and tack it on your
computer at work. It says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers;
for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what
fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated
religious rule. It is the Word of God for you today.
Don’t allow a
man’s charm, looks or financial success (or his willingness to go to
church with you) push you to compromise what you know is right.
“Missionary dating” is never a wise strategy. If the guy is not a
born-again Christian, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you.
I’ve yet to meet a Christian woman who didn’t regret marrying an
unbeliever.
2. The liar. If you discover that the man you
are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering
his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit.
Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be
truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger
deception.
3. The playboy. I wish I could say that if you
meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity.
But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single
guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas
during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your
wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding.
4. The deadbeat.
There are many solid Christian men who experienced marital failure
years ago. Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s
restoration, and now they want to remarry. Second marriages can be very
happy. But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been
caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a
fatal flaw. Any man who will not pay for his past mistakes or support
children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.
5. The addict. Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol
or drugs have learned to hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait
until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man
who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get
professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent
relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t
fix him.
6. The bum. I have a female friend who realized
after she married her boyfriend that he had no plans to find steady
work. He had devised a great strategy: He stayed home all day and played
video games while his professional wife worked and paid all the bills.
The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians, “If anyone is not willing to
work, then he is not to eat, either” (2 Thess. 3:10). The same rule
applies here: If a man is not willing to work, he doesn’t deserve to
marry you.
7. The narcissist. I sincerely hope you can find
a guy who is handsome. But be careful: If your boyfriend spends six
hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on
Facebook, you have a problem. Do not fall for a self-absorbed guy. He
might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his
own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially, like Christ
loves the church (Eph. 5:25). The man who is always looking at himself
in the mirror will never notice you.
8. The abuser. Men
with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If
the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at
you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a
problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield
every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt
women—verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle.
9. The man-child.
Call me old-fashioned, but I’m suspicious of a guy who still lives with
his parents at age 35. If his mother is still doing his cooking,
cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an
emotional time warp. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a
wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as a friend,
encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.
10. The control freak.
Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority.
They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the
façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can
morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat
their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you,
makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual
gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious
control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression.
If you
are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a
guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait
for a man who is sold out to Jesus.
